Wolves (a) Sat 14th Aug + Spurs (h) Sat 21st Aug : Here we go again!!!

After the chronic disappointment that was the 2010 World Cup, all eyes swiftly turned once again to that tried and trusted old friend that is the domestic football season. No novelty horns or malformed balls here. Just the regular thrills and spills of match day in all its glory.

With the deflating summer tournament over and done with, fans of all clubs began pouring over rumour sites and message boards seeking out transfer gossip in the faint hope of a major new signing materialising before the big kick off.

Inevitably, expectations rise. This is our season for sure. The squad's in place, the belief is there, and before it all kicks off, you've got nothing but a blank canvas ahead of you, the 2010/2011 footballing story waiting to be written.

Two weeks into the season, you're team's already lost twice, the defence is still leaking goals and the manager still won't sign that elusive box-to-box creative midfielder. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I'm sure many fans have come back down to earth with a bump at this stage of the season, no points from your first few games, perhaps a Carling Cup exit to boot (don't tell me, you're focusing on the league AGAIN this year), you begin to wonder what you were getting excited for over those distant summer months.

For my beloved Stoke, it's certainly proven to be a disappointing start thus far.

An opening day defeat at local rivals Wolves was compounded by an injury to new boy Kenwyne Jones. Jones has been signed as the target man alternative to Mama Sidibe. Essentially, Tony Pulis wanted Mama....but with goals. A novel idea in a forward I'm sure you'll agree. In theory this big forward ticks all the right boxes, and with any luck will provide an excellent partner to Ricardo Fuller.

Initially we appeared to be in luck as the injury was reported as not being as bad as first thought. Apparently it was only minor ligament damage (how minor can ligament damage be?) and it was suggested that the lay-off would be weeks rather than months as first feared. When asked about the striker's condition after the Spurs game however, Tone was worryingly vague on the diagnosis. Talk of  'injections', 'seeing how it goes' and 'not rushing anything', started alarm bells ringing to most Stoke fans who are by now fluent in the language of Pulis. Not to worry, we've still got Big Mama in the mean time right?................More on that later.

Luckily I missed the Wolves defeat due to being away on holiday. If we were being honest, I'm sure several of the male contingent who went on this holiday were kicking themselves for not figuring out this would be the Premier League's big kick off weekend when we planned this jaunt. Never mind though, with stiff upper lips we shook it off and made a mental note for all future August holidays. Naturally though, come the big kick off, several in our party had their phones out ready for score updates, and as we sat in the foyer of the German History Museum (well worth a visit.....if you're asking) sure enough, the half-time results were in.

"Right, here we go." I thought with misplaced pre-season confidence. "2-0 up? Maybe just a goal. Hell, I suppose a draw at half time is acceptable. Anyway, I'm just glad the season's back and right now I'm relaxed and full of optimism. Hit me with the half-time score, the first of a long and prosperous season."

 "You're 2-0 down".

"Fucking hell."

Sure enough, a text to the old man confirmed it. We were two behind and playing poorly. A glimmer of hope was offered by Faye's 55th minute header, but ultimately, we couldn't muster up another goal or indeed another meaningful shot on target in the rest of the game.

It's telling that on Match of the Day, the last bit of action they showed in this game was our goal, which, bear in mind, occurred in the 55th minute. So, that means for the last 35 minutes of this game there was not a single noteworthy moment of goal mouth action. Another glorious season stretches agonisingly out ahead of us.

Shaking off that disappointment, and maintaining the veneer of optimism that can only be mustered this early on in proceedings, the first home game of the new campaign against Spurs was our next stop.

When Honest 'Arry's side broke the standard top four monopoly to gain that lucrative champions league spot last season, they undoubtedly confirmed themselves as one of the toughest prospects for the rest of the league to face. However, with a packed Britannia on our side, and a host of injuries on theirs, you just had a sneaky feeling we might get a result.

Alas, yet again my optimism was misplaced, and an encouraging performance from the boys wasn't enough to stop us from falling to a 2-1 defeat. Gareth Bale (does anyone else find themselves regularly referring to him as 'Christian Bale' by accident or is that just me?), got lucky with their first goal as a Shawcross clearance cannoned in off his chimpy face. Following a Fuller equaliser however, he delivered a second goal of true class. A masterful dipping volley from the edge of the area that even many Stoke fans had to grudgingly applaud.

Spurs went into the break a goal ahead and comfortably in the driving seat. Stoke emerged for the second half however, revitalised and fired up. New boy Jon Walters was having an impressive debut up front. Then again, being able to both control a ball and remain upright already put him ahead of Mama. It was when the oft overlooked Tuncay came on up front however and the former Ipswich man was moved out to the right wing, that Stoke began to look truly dangerous with a flurry of chances coming soon after the Turk's introduction.

The introduction of Mama midway through the second half was an expected move by Tone and one not particularly objected to by many at the Brit. Whilst the big man's abilities are a source of amusement for most of us, and he clearly isn't good enough to start week-in-week-out, he does provide a big physical presence and can win plenty of headers on his day. He offers that 'something different' from the bench.

Within minutes of his arrival however, he collapsed after an innocuous challenge and was ultimately stretchered off the pitch clearly in a great deal of distress. After the game we'd learn that he had snapped his Achilles and could be out for the rest of the season. Whilst not quite being the tragic loss Tone will no doubt paint it as, the loss of Mama is still bad news for Stoke. As long as Tony plays the way he does, players like Mama will be crucial to the team. Another injury to a striker that means that we must cross our fingers even tighter and hope Jones is back in action soon.

Tuncay then missed a glorious chance from about a yard out, somehow managing to direct a header away from goal when it looked harder not to score. Shawcross then blazed a snap shot over the bar from just outside the six yard box and shortly after that Ricardo had a perfectly weighted volley tipped wide by Gomes in the Spurs goal. The keeper would then thwart Tuncay as well as a long-range effort took a wicked deflection and looked to be dipping into the Spurs net before he coolly palmed it over. It was about this time when I realised we just weren't going to score.

Some games you can just sense it. I'm sure it's the same for every team at some point. Maybe it hits you when the opposition keeper makes yet another spectacular save. Maybe it's when you're star striker balloons over from a yard out. Maybe it's when you hit the woodwork for the umpteenth time. Whatever it is, some games, you just know it isn't going to be your day.

Unexpectedly though, in the 86th minute, came what appeared to be a breakthrough. After a patented Britannia goal mouth scramble, the ball dropped kindly onto new boy Walters's head mere centimeters out from goal. Now please bare in mind I'm writing this from memory so odd facts may be subject to the slightest amount of exaggeration.

What followed next however was perhaps the single greatest injustice in footballing history........ever.

The ball flew towards goal and hit Peter Crouch in the mid-riff/arm area before rebounding out. The Stoke players celebrated like they'd scored a goal, a few Spurs players stopped as if they'd conceded a goal, and all eyes turned to the ref for the inevitable confirmation. However, Chris Foy instead  looked gingerly over at his assistant, who was about ten times further away than he was and had about 20 players blocking his view. Rather unsurprisingly, the assistant couldn't see the incident at all.  Foy however, was just a few feet away from the melee. After consulting his assistant however, and bracing himself for the full brunt of the Britannia's fury, he waved play on visibly explaining that he simply couldn't see it.

Now, I'm not going to focus too much on Chris Foy here. He had an OK game otherwise and being face-on to the incident rather than looking along the line, it's semi-understandable why he wasn't in a position to give the goal if he needs to be 100% sure. In theory that's why his assistant is there, but he too was unable to give a clear answer. No, Mr Foy is not solely to blame, some of the blame must also lie with assorted important figures in the various footballing governing bodies.

Their constant refusal to make any changes that might actually benefit the game, such as goal-line technology, is just astounding. I won't drone on about this debate too much, both sides of the argument have already been argued far more eloquently than I could manage here. All I will say is this, even the most basic, simplistic, cop-out solution to this problem, the extra official behind the goal, would have ensured a goal was given here. It is surely in the interests of the game that contentious decisions like this don't keep arising and the only thing stopping it is the pig-headedness of Mr Blatter and assorted FA chiefs. Anyway, that's a rant for another time...

In the end, Stoke couldn't find a way back and the game finished 2-1 to Spurs. The performance was definitely encouraging and at this early stage of the season there's no cause for alarm, but with an away trip to Stamford Bridge next up, (please lads, keep it to below 7 this time), and then Villa at home, it's not looking like we'll have many point on the board come mid-September.



So, to sum up, two losses, star signing and attacking lynch pin (ahem) injured, controversial late equaliser ruled out and since I began writing this blog we have also had a player refuse to play for us in the league cup...............ahhhhhhhhh it's good to be back.

Fulham (h) Tuesday 5th January - Making hard work of it.

Due to the arctic conditions engulfing Britain this week, I reluctantly gave my midweek trip back to the Potteries a rethink. The game went ahead, but I decided against making the trek as the risk of being stranded in central Manchester upon my return was not one I felt like taking.

Luckily for me however, due to the Manchester Carling Cup derby being cancelled and Sky Sports desperately needing to fill the vacant footballing void, they took their cameras to Ice Station Britannia and covered our clash against Fulham.

It was a slightly surreal experience watching a Stoke home game on TV. I couldn't stop thinking of the various sights and sounds I was missing out on. The smell of over-priced offal burgers wafting through the air. The team walking out to "We'll be with you", Stoke's official 'hit' single from our glorious 1972 League Cup win. That first guttural roar from the crowd as we go on our first attack. Even the first clueless moan from the elderly woman who has sat behind me for the past 5 or 6 years has it's own endearing nature to it. Despite all the football she has seen, she still doesn't quite grasp the concept of playing the ball back to the keeper ("oh nooooo what's he going that way for!!!!"). Then however, I looked outside and saw the blanket of ice and snow and thought of how cold the Brit could be even in the height of summer......perhaps I wasn't missing out that much.

The visitors edged the first 10 minutes, but then the Turkish terror Tuncay (mmm that's good alliteration), nodded home from close range to give us the lead. Fulham's defence struggled to contain our aerial threat from set pieces for the whole game with our centre halves Shawcross and Faye, as well as big Mama Sidibe, winning countless headers and causing all sorts of problems.

Stoke haven't scored more than two goals in the Premiership since we beat Villa 3-2 in our first home game last season. Over 50 games have come and gone since that glorious day and in very few has such a feat even seemed a remote possibility. When Faye scrambled home our second goal on 34 minutes from yet another set piece, the unthinkable looked to be on. Fulham couldn't handle our physical presence and Tuncay and Etherington were once again running a defence ragged.

Five minutes later and after a superb passing move that once again belied our route-one reputation, Etherington flicked on to Mama and Sidibe shocked everyone by providing a lethal finish to rocket the ball into the back of the net. A Mama goal is rare enough, but one with his feet is almost unheard of. Nevertheless, he confidently stroked it home and sent us into the half time break 3 goals to the good.

Job done. 3 points in the bag. Stoke were cruising and could really have been 4 or 5 goals up. According to Jeff Stelling and Alan Curbishley in the studio, the game was already won.

Oh how little they know. I guarantee there wouldn't have been a single Stoke fan in that stadium who at half time didn't turn to their companions and mutter "it's not safe yet". Maybe it's due to years of under achievement and disappointment that we Stoke fans are naturally a pessimistic people. Maybe it's due to the countless squandered leads so far this season (Wolves and Chelsea at home, Hull and Everton away spring to mind). Regardless of what led to this mentality, one thing for sure is that Stoke fans are always wary of our own team's remarkable ability to make hard work of anything.

As expected, Tony clearly told the boys to sit back and soak up pressure in the second half. I say 'as expected' because Tony clearly tells the boys to sit back and soak up pressure when we are a goal down away from home. The fact he advised it today was hardly surprising. We looked solid for a while but on the hour mark Duff took a long range effort that received an unfortunate deflection to send it beyond Simonsen in the Stoke goal. It was around this point I adopted my usual 'Stoke holding onto a lead' stance, head in hands, top pulled up to below nose, glancing out gingerly through fingers.

The game was fairly even for most of the second half, Fuller had come on to replace the injured Tuncay in the first and he continued where the Turk left off. Riccy twisted and turned and created a couple of good chances for himself, one of which seemed destined for the far corner only for Schwarzer to deny him with a fantastic reaction save.

Sure enough, with 85 minutes played, Fulham's Clint Dempsey smashed home a superb volley from some distance out which looped over a stranded Simmo and set up the nerviest of finishes. I could imagine the change in atmosphere this goal caused at the Brit all too well. Nervous glances would be exchanged, conversations become more heated and the 'Stoke holding onto a lead' stance would become more widespread. The crushing inevitability of Stoke throwing away a seemingly unassailable lead was slowly coming to pass.

Or so I thought. Somehow the unthinkable happened and the Stoke team dug in and kept Fulham at bay to hold on for the much needed win. Naturally there was to be 5 minutes of injury time played first. This is barely a surprise anymore, few games at the Brit incur anything less than 4 minutes extra time and it's simply become accepted practice.

Far from being the enjoyable rout promised by the first half, the game turned into a tortuous slog that was to be endured almost as a punishment. When the final whistle went, I didn't leap around or cheer like one might after a typical 3-2 victory. I simply sat back and exhaled for what seemed like the first time in ten minutes, letting out a hard earned sigh of relief.

I was relieved not only to have held on for the win, but also to have ended our poor streak of late and to have once again remembered how to score goals. We may have made hard work of it, but we got there in the end.

It was undeniably a fine 3-2 victory. Just once though i'd like to really hammer a team. I'd like to sit back and patronisingly laugh as our third or fourth goal went it. I'd like to goad the away fans with chants like "you're not very good" and "time to go", classics you can only really trot out when the victory is assured. These laid back and leisurely games are a thing of the past for us now however. Gone are the days where we could take a lead at home and look commanding and unflappable. Now we are in the big leagues, any time we take the lead at home it's cause for the paramedic's to be on stand by a mass outbreak of panic attacks. One day perhaps we'll whip someone 3 or 4 nil, but for now, I fear i'll be seeing a lot more of the 'Stoke holding onto a lead' stance.

Right now however, we are on 24 points and 10th in the league. Things are looking up. It's amazing what a difference a game makes.

Portsmouth (h) Sun 22nd Nov - Not one for the neutral.

I would like to start off with a sincere apology to any neutral fan who forced themselves to watch the Stoke Vs Portsmouth game on Sky this past weekend. It was mind-numbingly boring and quite possibly the least entertaining game you will see on TV in quite some time.

That being said, please bare in mind that as tedious as it was for you, at least you were warm and dry and indifferent to its outcome. Winter arrived in earnest for this game, and due to the Britannia doubling up as a wind tunnel, Saturday was a particularly cold and wet afternoon and one which I was grossly unprepared for.


Newcomers to the Brittania may notice a strange sight on winter match day afternoons as hundreds of Michelin Men plod reluctantly up the pathways to the ground. This is not due to an obesity epidemic striking Stoke-On-Trent, but due to a cunning survival method picked up by long suffering fans. The central tenant of this survival plan being strict adherence to the mantra 'you can never have enough layers'.


Perched on top of a wind-battered hill, and thanks to a complete lack of foresight from it's designers meaning that three of it's corners remain open to the elements, the Britannia Stadium can make a pretty good claim for being the coldest ground in England. Unfortunately for me, I had temporarily taken leave of my senses and decided that 3 layers would be sufficient for this game. Several shivering hours later, as the feeling returned to my hands and nether regions, I reminded myself that for the next 2 or 3 months, 'you can never have enough layers'.

Leaving the meteorological issues aside for now, there remains the issue of the match itself. On the walk to the ground as me and my dad entered into our usual game of predicting the day's team, the grim realisation hit us once again......we know EXACTLY what team Tony Pulis will play today. Pulis is a manager who has built a career around producing solid teams who don't concede. Unfortunately, this can make for fairly gruelling viewing at times and as such, despite his success, Tone has alienated a large portion of our fanbase, who may support the team, but will never support his methods.

As a result of this commitment to producing a robust and 'hard to break down' side, Tone has adopted an infuriating tactic of sidelining most of the creative players we possess. In their place he favours rugged workhorses who will throw themselves into tackles all day long, but unfortunately not add much in the way of goal-scoring threat. As such, grafters such as Dean Whitehead, Salif Diao and Rory Delap are currently three quarters of Tone's preferred midfield. Each of them a solid enough player, but never likely to set the pulses racing. Considering we are at home and facing a dismal Pompey side who are bottom of the League with only 7 points to their name, me and Keeling senior briefly hoped for an attacking and dynamic midfield quartet who will really take the game to the opposition. Tone has other ideas however, 'best keep it tight', he thinks. Best not give too much away.



So while Matthew Etherington retains his place on one wing, (a glimmer of attacking hope in our midfield), there is unfortunately once again no place for Liam Lawrence, Glenn Whelan or Tuncay Sanli. Granted, Whelan picked up a slight groin strain playing for Ireland in the week and Tone didn't want to risk him. Ok, fair enough, I'll give him that one. However, Liam may have played in the week for Ireland as well, but the man is a professional sportsman, and one whose key attribute is his tireless work ethic, could he not of perhaps managed a further 90 minutes 4 days later?

Finally, there is what I will now term the Tuncay conundrum. Tuncay Sanli is the Turkish national team captain and an extremely skilled attacking player. Stoke signed him in the Summer to everyone's surprise for a fee of around £5 Million. To this date, he has yet to start a league game for us. This fact is made all the more confusing when it is taken it account how versatile Tuncay is. Whilst primarily a striker, he is able to function equally as well as an attacking midfielder or even a winger.

However, in order to accommodate Whitehead and Diao in the centre of midfield, Tone needs to find room for the human slingshot that is Rory Delap. Away from home against top opposition, this has some degree of logic to it, as his long throws provide us with a much needed weapon. But you'd like to think we could go without for a home game against weak opposition. Alas, it is not to be under Tone, and so Tuncay Sanli, Turkish national team captain and creative dynamo, is kept on the bench and off the wing in favour of a workhorse central midfielder who could not beat a man and cross a ball if his life depended on it.

As one might imagine with this uninspiring engine room, Stoke lacked any real cutting edge in the first half and forwards Ricardo Fuller and James Beattie were woefully short on service. Now, while I may moan about Tone's midfield team selection, I do nonetheless accept that the players he chooses are of at least a moderate standard. They are all decent enough players who as little as 4 or 5 years ago i'd of been ecstatic to have in our team. However, at times today some of our passing is just plain bad, not unlucky or unfortunate, just bad.


When I watch teams like Arsenal or Chelsea on TV, I often see them break from one end of the pitch to the other with an almost majestic grace and beauty. Pin-point passing and fast, dynamic movement perfectly combine to produce flowing attacking football that as a neutral you can't help but admire. Against Portsmouth, Stoke's counter-attacking effort is more akin to watching the Chuckle Brothers in action. "To me, no to you...oh no we've dropped it". Surely Arsenal and Chelsea's millionaires aren't THAT much better than our boys. They may be better players, but they aren't completely different creatures.


We never really get into second gear in the first half, and the embarrassing lack of 'highlights' from this opening 45 minutes on Match of the Day is testament to the crapness of this half of football. A fine Thomas Sorenson save from a woeful Pompey penalty is about all the excitement we get.

The second half is a better, if still not exhilarating, show from our lot. Soon enough Tone makes a much needed double substitution. Firstly Liam Lawrence is brought on, (looking as sprightly as ever) but who else do we we have on of the bench to provide us with that much needed attacking edge? That's right, you guessed it.....Mama Sidibe.


This move by Tone was never in any doubt to any regular attendee of Stoke's games for the past 2 or 3 seasons. Big Mama is a Tony Pulis favourite, nay, THE Tony Pulis favourite. For several years he proved the basis of our attacking play. Big hoof up to the lofty Mama, he flicks it on and then Fuller beats as many defenders as he can and smacks it in the net. This fool proof plan surprisingly doesn't work quite as well in the Premier League as it did in the Championship. John Terry ET AL find it a bit easier to contain this ingenious tactic.

Many thought Mama would struggle with the step up to the Premier League, but to be fair to him, he's equipped himself reasonably well. Knowing his own limitations, he usually sets about winning as much as he can in the air and holding the ball up as much as possible, whilst leaving the more frivolous footballing jobs such as beating men or, you know, scoring goals, to his team mates.


It is Mama's limitations that contribute to one of the more surreal moments of the game. After a nice bit of interplay between Etherington, Whitehead and Fuller, Ricardo superbly curls home his first goal of the campaign to give us a precious one goal lead. Shortly after, another bit of link up play between Lawrence and Fuller puts Mama through on goal. About 8 yards out, and to the right hand side of the goal, this is a guilt edged chance and one any Premiership striker should slot away with no hesitation. Mama however, manages only to skew the effort well wide and the shot just about manages to avoid going out for a throw. A goal here and the tension is lifted, the supporters can relax slightly (though never too much knowing Stoke), and judging by Pompey's own overwhelming crapness, a win would be all but assured.

So, Mama misses, and what is the crowd reaction? An almost synchronised groan followed by a lighthearted chuckle. That's right, a groan and a chuckle. You can hear people chortling to their mates and noting "that was typical Sidibe" or "ah well, it was Mama" as if it is almost acceptable and all just a big in-joke amongst Stoke fans.

This miss is treated with the same kind of warm reassuring reaction that you give your drunken mate on a Friday night when he drops his kebab on his shoes and falls headfirst into a bush. "Haha, typical Dan, he's harmless really. It wouldn't be a night out without him making a tit of himself". This is the attitude that we Stoke fans have towards Mama. He only be a grafter with limited abilities......but he's OUR grafter with limited abilities. It seemingly wouldn't be a Stoke game without one vintage Mama miss.


Luckily though, we held on for the win. Pompey looked a very poor side and they really are going to struggle if they don't invest in some fresh talent come January. The post-match atmosphere around the ground was one of grudging satisfaction. We got the three points, were 9th in the league, but the dismal performance had hardly set pulses racing. I for one subscribe to the mindset that as long as we win, I don't care too much how we got there. It's games like today that do test this theory however.

If Ricardo hadn't of shown is class in producing a top draw finish, we could very easily of drawn that game 0-0. The mood afterwards would definitely of been markedly different had we drawn with the league's bottom club at home. A result that was certainly not a million miles away from happening.

On Radio Stoke after the game the legendary Stoke commentator Nigel Johnson was conducting his usual interview with Tony Pulis. As always, the gaffer justified his team selection and complemented the lads for working aaaarrrrd. Gingerly warming my hands on the car heaters I almost missed one choice nugget from Tone. Lamenting to Nigel about Tuncay's continued lack of games, Pulis decreed "you can't play Ricardo and Tuncay together in the same team". Come again Tone? You can't play two extremely talented and creative forwards in the same team? I beg to differ. What you mean is, they can't play together in one of YOUR teams.

Now I am not part of the ardent anti-Pulis brigade, after all it's playing Tone's way that got us into the top flight, but lets tell it like it is here. Few other managers would decide there is no way to play two top draw players in the same side as each other simply because one of them isn't capable of playing 'the Mama role'.


It would appear the Tuncay conundrum shows no sign of being solved just yet.